Lie to Me: Do You Do It?

by Samantha on September 17, 2011

Yea, I do it. So what of it??

Apparently you’re not supposed to lie to your children, according to experts cited in this article. Apparently we are shielding our kids from the harsh realities of the real world when we tell them a little fib, like saying that they did great at the recent school concert, or the proverbial “good try” that we all shout at our kids’ soccer/hockey/baseball/football games. We’re damaging the poor souls by perpetuating these types of fibs.
Are these “experts” for real?
I can’t imagine providing the sobering truth to my kids right from the outset, not offering them support or a loving nudge in the right direction. Because isn’t that what I’m supposed to do as a parent? Help them find their way, give them some encouragement (albeit based on a half-truth in some instances) and generally provide them loving support. We’re apparently supposed to open up the doors to the harsh realities of the real world as early as possible and where we might have said “you did a really good job on this drawing, Johnny,” we’re now obliged to say something like “Your picture is ugly and you’ll never make it as an artist.” Okay, perhaps not so harshly, but you get the point.
Image courtesy of http://insidepulse.com
Most of us lie to our kids all the time, in one way or another. Just think about toilet training and telling your child how great it is that they “made a deposit” in the toilet. We all know that using the toilet is not earth-shattering work, but saying so to your young child helps to facilitate the toilet training and the light at the end of the tunnel: no more Pull-Ups and better yet, no more “accidents.” So there is definitely a practical purpose to some of the lies that we tell, that’s for sure.
What about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy? By these experts’ rationales, we should eliminate these folks as well, no? They say not to lie to our kids and lets face it, these lies are pretty big, as we perpetuate them for years. Do they damage our kids? Some would say “yes,” but many others would say “no,” as they provide a sense of fantasy and anticipation. We find out the truth at some point and I’d venture to guess that most of us are not scarred as a result.
In case it’s not completely clear in this post, I’m advocate of telling my kids “little white lies” for the sake of support, adventure and, sometimes, my sanity. Call me a bad parent, so be it.
What do you think? Do you lie to your kids? Why or why not? Should we stop lying to our kids? Can’t wait to hear your feedback.
 


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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Holly Ann September 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

People who say they never lie to their kids are liars. ;)

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Samantha September 17, 2011 at 3:35 pm

@Holly Ann
So true, Holly – so true!!

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Rachel Howells September 18, 2011 at 6:51 pm

It is refreshing to read some commonsense from a real mother and not this nonsense from the so-called "experts". As mothers it is our job to help our children feel secure about themselves so that when the world DOES throw harsh realities at them they don't fall apart. We are their safe zone. I don't call them lies, I call them confidence builders so that we are able to send out into the world well functioning human beings, capable of dealing with whatever life throws at them.

Another thought-provoking post!

Rachel :-)

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Samantha September 18, 2011 at 9:09 pm

@Rachel Howells Thanks so much for your kind words, Rachel.

I agree- our role as parents means that we provide a safe place for our kids to fall…as well as building them up in the name of providing them the tools to grow their self-confidence and self-esteem. To this end, I think it's important to sometimes tell these "white lies" as they do more good than bad, in my opinion. Life is harsh enough – why make it more difficult for them unnecessarily?

Thanks for your comment :)

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Make Mommy Chic September 19, 2011 at 1:57 am

Hi, I am guilty of telling 'half-truths' to my kids. Like when they ask me if there is any chocolate in the cupboard I say no (knowing damn well there's a king size Mars bar in there with my name on it). As parents, we can't tell the truth 100% of the time, it's impossible. I also tell my kids that I have eyes in the back of my head, and see everything, and that scares the hell out of them and I don't care that it's not the truth. Put it this way, no kid will ever be emotionally scarred from some white lies that their parents have told them. For example, when was the last time you heard an adult telling their therapist 'my parents lied to me about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny- that's why I'm so screwed up now'? People really need to chill. There are more important things to worry about out there :)

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Samantha September 19, 2011 at 2:14 am

@Make Mommy Chic
HI Sharon, I'm totally with you on this one. I don't know how a person could get through parenthood without telling a number of little white lies. If you don't then THAT'S when your kid will be scarred for life, hands down! I have no apologies about doing what's best for my childrens' self esteem and if it's a bad thing according to the "experts," oh, well!

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Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms April 25, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Hi Sam!! How are you?

Well, I try not to as much as possible but there are times it’s just easier to tell a white lie.

Something like if you don’t brush your teeth rats will go to you while you sleep (this was used on me when I was young, haha).

But for me, if I can give something truthful, I do. Which is why I didn’t make Santa a big deal :) Nice post!

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Samantha April 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Hi Anne! Thanks for your comment :)
I agree – sometimes there’s no choice but to lie to your kids…little white lies, of course. Now rats getting at you while you sleep – that’s a bit scary, to say the least! I’m sure this threat instilled the importance of brushing your teeth at night when you were a child, didn’t it? ;) It’s always a fine balance, though what we tell our kids should tip on the side of truthfulness. Of course there are cases where a bit of a fib is necessary, especially when the kids are small.

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Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms April 25, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Oh you bet! It freaked me out A LOT when I was young but I did brush my teeth religiously. I try not to use it on my boy though because the few times I did, he REALLY freaked out :) But I get ya. It really helps sometimes :)

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Samantha April 25, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I guess it worked but probably gave you a lifelong scare and fear of rodents, non?

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