2) The Itsy Bitsy Spider – The protagonist spider is either a) an eternal optimist, or b) incredibly stupid. “Down came the rain and washed the spider out” should of been his first clue. And yet the sun came out yet again and the itsy-bitsy spider, with no heed to his previous experience, went up the spout again. How are we supposed to teach our kids about the consequences of our actions when we learn from songs like this that you can literally be “washed away” and you go back for more. I don’t know, I think it’s a bad lesson to teach our kids. Just sayin’
3) The Wheels on the Bus - Not only do the wheels on the bus go “’round and ’round,” but the people on the bus go “up and down.” The babies on the bus go “Waa, waa, waa.” I don’t know about you, but the combination of these three makes me feel nauseous. I feel a migrane coming on every time I utter the words to this song. This bus ride sounds like a nightmare and vomit-inducing. And I haven’t even addressed the wipers on the bus going “swish, swish, swish,” and the doors on the bus going “open and shut.” Please pass me the bucket.
|Image courtesy of http://singalongwithme.com|
4) Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed – One by one, these simians become concussed, and yet this “doctor” has only one remedy: “no more monkeys jumping on the bed.” Can we say “lawsuit?” I hope this doctor has malpractice insurance.
5) Five Little Ducks – The ducks are being killed or abducted, one by one, and the mother duck is still just saying “quack, quack, quack” instead of calling the police. There is a serial duck killer on the loose and it doesn’t phase the mother duck at all. She clearly is not concerned that her babies are being systematically knocked off, one at a time. She just keeps quacking. I’ve surmised that the mother duck is an unfit duck and a sociopath.
6) Clementine – It was only in the past few years that it dawned on me how absolutely dire and dreary this song was, especially since we tend to sing it to small children. It’s about drowning, folks! Yes – it’s basically about someone who watches their beloved “Clementine” drown…because, (in their own words) “…but alas I was no swimmer so I lost my Clementine.” Sick. Oh, and morbid, too. We’re now singing about drowning? Check out the full lyrics here. No, I don’t sing this to my kids.
7) Rock-a-bye Baby - Who on earth puts their precious baby in a cradle on a treetop?? I know first-hand how desperate one can get when your child won’t sleep, but c’mon!! The bough breaking, the cradle falling and the baby falling to it’s inevitable demise is just too much for me to bear. Pass on this tune.
8) Jack and Jill – As you can see by now, there is an ongoing theme about kids sustaining major injuries in many of the popular children’s songs. Children’s song writers are evidently a sick and sadistic bunch. “Jack fell down and broke his crown” is bad enough, but “Jill came tumbling after” sounds like a parent’s worse nightmare. And on that note, where are Jack and Jill’s parents in this scenario??
|Image courtesy of http://threeblindmiceproduction.com|
9) Three Blind Mice – “A Rodent Slasher Story” – that’s how I see this so-called “harmless” tale (or should I say “tail?”). How twisted that sightless rodents are having their appendages hacked off by a carving knife. For what purpose? Sick, sick, sick.
10) Peas Porridge Hot – Can we say “food poisoning?” Who leaves food on the stove for NINE DAYS then feeds it to their kids? Again – unfit parents. I don’t care if that “Peas Porridge” is grandma’s most coveted recipe that was handed down through numerous generations. NINE DAYS IS JUST TOO LONG. End of story. See unfit parent for more details.As you can see, many of the songs we sing are just plain messed up. At least that’s my opinion (with my tongue firmly planted in cheek).What children’s songs would be on your Top 10 Most Annoying list? Can’t wait to hear about them.For more annoying children’s songs “analysis” go to “The Wheels on the Bus are Flat Pt. 2: Still More Annoying Children’s Songs