Post Halloween Horrors: A Top 5 How-To Guide For Parents

Halloween is almost upon us and so, of course, are the requisite signs of the season.

The houses are decked out in orange and black, ghosts and ghouls abound, and the anticipation of a sugar-filled bounty fills the thoughts of children everywhere.

Halloween is a scary time of year, especially if you’re a child grown-up who was to deal an inevitable part of being a parent: putting the brakes on the fun. If you’re far from Martha Stewart perfection, then your kids are probably already annoyed and disappointed with you. After all, instead of beautiful and perfectly made homemade costumes that took weeks to perfect, your kids are slumming with a last-minute score from the picked-over rack at Walmart. Your daughter didn’t want to dress up as a psychotic clown, but that’s beside the point.

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The mega-ton of candies and treats that that have now become the norm at Halloween need to be kept in check. A damper needs to be put on the festivities, because after all – that’s your job, mom! Evil and vicious people are everywhere, waiting to put razor blades and poison in candies. Cavities are just waiting to be formed and teeth are on the cusp of falling out in response to the massive amounts of sugar that will be crossing the oral threshold shortly.

Thankfully, you are an unselfish and altruistic sort. You care about your kids and will do everything you can to assure their safety and well-being. This being the case, you will not only sort through the candies post trick-or-treating on the important night, but – horror of horrors – you will store the candies for your kids as well. Furthermore, you will say “no” to the inevitable requests for candies at breakfast, lunch, dinner and every waking moment in between. Mom/Dad – you are a “buzz kill.”

Crying and complaining will ensue when you advise your kids that three chocolate bars does not a breakfast make. Nor do Kit Kats or Oh Henry’s round out the requirements for a balanced and nutritious meal.

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When this occurs, refer to the following list of required items that will get you through the post-Halloween trauma reasonably unscathed:

1) Earplugs – These will assist you in sanity when the inevitable crying begins.

2) Patience – You will need this in large amounts to get you through the repeated mantra that goes like this: “Mommy, can I have a Halloween treat? “Mommy, can I have a Halloween treat? “Mommy, can I have a Halloween treat? “Mommy, can I have a Halloween treat?”Mommy, can I have a Halloween treat?”

3) Nerves of Steel – Do you break down when your child won’t stop whining/crying/complaining? If so, appeal to the inner calm that you have somewhere inside that parental body of yours and say it once again: “NO!!” Stare them down and keep your resolve. When you feel like you’re weakening, keep in mind the sugar high and related behaviour that would ensue if you said “yes.” It would be 100 times worse than what you’re dealing with now so, be thankful and stay on course.

4)A Good Hiding Place – This is required to stash the Halloween Booty so that the kids don’t overdose from the copious amounts of sugar that will be permeating their bloodstream in the unlikely event that you leave the treats in their reach. As well, you need that special place where you can go (a closet, perhaps) and hunker down with those miniature-sized chocolates and bags of chips, uninterrupted. After all, you’ve earned it.

5) Advil – Okay, Tylenol may suffice. The bottom line is that you will require some type of pain medication to kick in when the inevitable screaming and crying fits occur following the continual requests for candy morning, noon and night, until they run out. Be prepared, take two (or three or more) and refer to item #1 to help you keep sane.  

What are your plans for dealing with the inevitable onslaught of requests for treats that follow October 31st? Will you be strong and say “no,” have a metered approach and dole out candies sparingly, or just let the kids have a free-for-all and a continual “sugar high” for weeks so you don’t have to deal with the whining? Leave your comments below!

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