The Top 10 Mom Types That You’ll Find At The Park

by Samantha on April 7, 2013

Playground slide

Moms at the park playing with their kids are a common sight in most neighborhoods. After all, children love playing and moms, for the most part, love playing with their kids. Not surprisingly then, is it any wonder that there are as many different types of moms at the park as there are days of the week? No, actually, there are more. Ten, to be specific. Read on and you’ll find that you’ll likely recognize at least a few of these parents at your local playground.

The Top 10 Mom Types You’ll Find at the Park

1) Hover-Mom - Think helicopter mom on steroids. This mother believes that anything and everything in the world outside her door can and will harm her child. As a result, she will be in extremely close proximity to her child at all times to the point of practically smothering her little darling. And don’t get in between her and her kid or else you will have a “mama bear” scenario on your hands and it won’t be pretty.

2) Freestyle-Mom - Live and let live. This mom believes that the child could and should do whatever they like. Accordingly, you’ll be the one watching them in the sandbox just before they eat a mound of dirt. Just make sure that you have 911 on speed-dial when you’re in the presence of this mom’s child because you know that you’ll be the one having to call emergency.

3) Techno-Mom - This mom is up on the latest tech gadgets. Think smartphone, iPad, e-readers and more. This mommy looks at an afternoon at the park as an opportunity to catch up on her email, phone calls, latest bestselling novel (in digital form, of course) and music. She also will spare no expense on being fully outfitted with the trendiest new gizmo as per Mashable, in order to accompany her kid to the park. After all, it’s really important to spend quality time with her child.

4) Business-Mom - A very close relative of Techno-Mom, Business-Mom is a no-nonsense, Type A parent, even when she’s helping her kid to navigate the see-saw and the monkey bars. Following the philosophy that it’s “all business, all the time,” this mom has no problem closing a multi-million dollar deal, delegating a killer presentation or chastising an employee all while smugly glancing at those “simple” parents who don’t have the sophistication to be employed in such a high-powered career as hers.

5) Bossy-Mom - To this mom, it’s her way or the highway, no questions asked. This includes questions from other parents as well, as this mom will not only direct her child as to what playground item to play on next, but will tell you and your child what to do as well. She knows, you know. She knows.

6) Superior-Mom - “Mother Superior” in the true sense of the word, this mom is so much better than all of the other mothers at the park. After all, she’s given her child organic, top-of-the-line, farm-grown dandelion leaves for lunch, unlike you. She is also going out of her way to make sure that her child wears only the best, most expensive, healthiest and synthetic-free clothing that was purchased at the leading natural clothing co-op, because she’s doing her part for the environment, her child and the world, and you’re not.

7) Passive-Aggressive Mom - “No, do it this way, Darling,” you’ll hear her say, and often. This statement will then be followed by something like “You know that mommy will be so hurt if you fall down and break your collar bone! Mommy doesn’t like having to go to the hospital with you all the time, even though she loves you so much! Mommy does everything she can for her sweet little boy, so please don’t make Mommy upset!” Guilt and indirect shaming of the child are part and parcel of this mom’s arsenal.

8) Food Issues-Mom - You’ll know this mom by the fact that she’s following her kid around with a juice box, sandwich, pieces of cheese and veggie sticks with an extremely anxious and worried look on her face. She’s convinced that her child is on the verge of starvation and that it’s only a matter of time before he faints from malnourishment. Thankfully for him, her very large backpack is stuffed to the brim with supplies that are evidently required to fend off certain starvation that would have occurred for that one hour trip to the park.

9) Competitive-Mom - This mom’s child is better than your child and this mom will let you know it - over and over and over again. Tell Competitive-Mom that your son hit a home run at his latest game and you will be quashed by stories of how this annoying parent’s kid always hits home runs, not to mention the fact that her child is the team captain, MVP and hero of every kid’s sporting team possible. “Insufferable” is an understatement in describing this parent; avoid and ignore her at all costs.

10) Kiddie-Mom - It’s often difficult to discern the difference between who’s the mother and who’s the child in this combo. Kiddie-Mom is reliving her obviously too-short childhood through the opportunities presented by her own children and doesn’t care who is there to witness the debacle. Kiddie-Mom will swing higher than her child, bounce her daughter too hard on the see-saw (while she sits on one end of it, weighing four times her child’s weight, just to make the drop down extra good) and will compete with her child on the monkey bars. She will also play tag with the other kids at the park and catch them really quickly when she’s “It.” This is because her legs are three times longer than the other children who are playing and she can easily grab a hold of the terrified kids who are trying to avoid her. Stay away from Kiddie-Mom. She may be the scariest archetype of all.

And yes - you can insert “Dad” in place of mom, though just not as often ;) (This is a joke! Please don’t email me!! ;) ).

**Putting this list together made me realize that I’ve just scratched the surface and there are a number of other mom-types that can be found at the local park. Stay tuned for Part 2, coming soon!**

Did I miss any “mom-types” in this post? If so, let me know about them in the comments below :)

To read this article on Huffington Post, click here.

VIDEO: The Top 10 Mom Types You’ll Find at the Park

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Christy Garrett April 8, 2013 at 1:14 am

I think I am combination of 2 and 3. I am pretty relaxed when it comes to letting my kids go and explore the world as long as I can see them. I do check in on my email and such if I am not capturing a few photos for my blog.

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Samantha April 8, 2013 at 12:53 pm

I think I’ve been a bit of all of these at some point - that’s why they came to mind so easily ;) That said, if I had to pick, it would be the Food-Mom because I’m always worried that my kids are starving!

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another mom April 8, 2013 at 11:13 am

This is offensive. I clicked on it because I thought it might be a cute read and was horribly disappointed.

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Samantha April 8, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Sorry that you are offended by the post. It was meant to be humorous and satirical, sorry that didn’t come through for you.

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aelar April 8, 2013 at 4:48 pm

Repulsive mommy-wars nonsense, with a nice throwaway bit of misogyny at the end.

Seriously reconsider doing any kind of Part 2. Saying this is just a joke is probably the worst part of the article. Humor -normalizes-. It gives the message: Sure this is a little over the top, but there’s truth behind it. It’s normal and ok to look at other moms and judge them. Put them into categories. Decide on their personality because of how they are interacting with their kids in that particular moment. Feel superior to them because your parenting choices are different. While you’re at it, put yourself in a box too.

No, it’s ugly, and calling it funny just makes it uglier.

I am guilty as the next person of noticing other parent’s choices, and feeling that my choices are better, not just different. But it isn’t a healthy mindset to have, and it isn’t something that needs to be encouraged, not in me, and not in society in general. When I look for mom blogs to read, I look for material that humanizes- not stereotypes; that finds humor in the inherent ridiculousness of life with children- not in ridiculing other women trying to navigate the perilous path of parenting; that calls to me to be more generous, forgiving, and supportive, of myself and my choices, and of other parents too- not critical, shaming, and self-loathing.

Ick.

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Samantha April 8, 2013 at 4:55 pm

Thanks for your feedback. The intent of the article wasn’t to normalize any type of Mommy-Wars or judgement. I’m the first to say that I’ve fit into more than one of these categories at many times at the park, sometimes simultaneously, and still do to some degree. The point is to take a look at ourselves and laugh at the craziness of how we can be in our roles as moms and parents. The reality is that many of us do find ourselves doing things that we wouldn’t have thought that we would do as moms, yet we do it nonetheless. Having kids makes you into a different person for sure and our actions follow suit. Not sure about the misogyny that you noted; I also added that it was meant to be a joke. in If the humor in the post isn’t evident and is seen as shaming and self-loathing, my apologies.

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aelar April 9, 2013 at 12:42 am

The misogyny is in the way that you casually add that there aren’t as many categories of crazy dads, adding to the stereotype that moms are the ones who become really neurotic about their kids. Those women, so hysterical and unstable, with infinite ways to mess up their kids, while men keep it together better. Seriously, have we not had enough centuries of this? A throw-away line that perpetuates a negative and unfair stereotype of women.

And I don’t see how anyone can look again at these kinds of phrases and seeing anything but judgment and shaming (and even worse, the violence we do to ourselves when we see ourselves this way):
* you know that you’ll be the one having to call emergency
* it’s really important to spend ~quality time~ with her child
* chastising an employee all while smugly glancing at those “simple” parents
* this mom is so much better than all of the other mothers at the park
* Guilt and indirect shaming of the child are part and parcel of this mom’s arsenal.
* She’s convinced that her child is on the verge of starvation
* “Insufferable” is an understatement in describing this parent; avoid and ignore her at all costs.
* Stay away from Kiddie-Mom. She may be the scariest archetype of all. - this mom is mentally disturbed

No intent to shame or judge anyone? Every one of your stereotypes describes someone that is negligent, delusional, hypocritical, rude, emotionally abusive, controlling, or several of these at once. Your phrasing is opening scornful and negative. Where’s the funny part again? This isn’t sarcasm, it’s vitriol.

I don’t see myself in any of these moms. Sometimes I’m a great engaged mom, sometimes not so much, sometimes I’m considerate and other times I’m self-absorbed. But I’m never a stereotype, and neither is anyone else.

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Samantha April 9, 2013 at 1:14 am

I think your last paragraph hits the nail on the head: “Sometimes I’m a great, engaged mom, sometimes not so much, sometimes I’m considerate and other times I’m self-absorbed.” We’re all like this at one time or another and the 10 “types” outlined in the post were intended to be clearly satirical combinations of the behavior that we convey at one time or another, not vitriol, as it may have come across. Again, agree to disagree - the post came from a place of humor without the purpose of offending or becoming an involved discourse on misogyny, stereotypes, or being “scornful and negative.” If the original intention of the article was to open up a more involved discussion on gender roles, motherhood and related subjects, there would certainly have been a more serious overall tone conveyed as a benchmark for analysis of these topics, not 10 very simple examples as shown here.

It’s clear that we’re going to continue to disagree on the intention and tone of the article; being the author, I can only vouch for where it was coming from when I wrote it.

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aelar April 10, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Samantha April 10, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Thanks for sharing.
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Mama April 18, 2014 at 5:50 am

LOL… at the “food issues mom” I do bring chips and capri suns to the park for the kids…. but that’s because there is always a point when they want to eat or drink. lol

And you poor comedian… comedians always are ridiculed for their jokes with truth behind it. The ones getting offended are the one’s who probably have a guilty conscience. People should really lighten up… seriously… They will be a lot happier in life. I feel sorry for their poor kids. lol

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Samantha April 18, 2014 at 1:19 pm

Ha! Aren’t we ALL “Food Issues Mom” at one point or another? I’m definitely this one (yes - I have food issues and am neurotically passing them on to my kids ;)) but also the technology-obsessed mom as well…though I’m working on it. So much so to the point where I’ve forced myself to NOT take out my iPhone at all when I’m at the park with the kids. A tough thing to do but achievable nonetheless :)

Thanks for the kind words and support. And yes - people definitely need to lighten up. My attempt at humour was not meant to hurt any feelings!

Cheers,
Sam

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Laura Schmidt July 7, 2014 at 6:04 am

making fun of moms who play with kids, calling them mentally disturbed? what kind of a sicko are you??? It is good to play with your kids at the park once in awhile and chase them. Kids love it when adults pay attention to them, duh. Is it bad to make kids feel loved and to play with them?

Just because most moms are too tired, too shy, too fat to run after kids in playground does not mean that it is not good to run after them. They love it and you get a workout, duh!!!.

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Samantha July 8, 2014 at 1:27 am

Um….Laura…I didn’t call anyone “mentally ill”….
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